Kiss me baby!

How are you?

2011-06-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

What's up y'all! Been so long since I've last visited this site. Life's been really good to me. Well, I am happy. Not like there's anything exciting but peace is good. Waiting to take on a real job, like one where there's a career development.

My spiritual life has been amazing. I have once again, been touched by the love and power of the Holy Spirit. Not only has God revealed but he has also healed and gave me so much more. You find meaning to your struggles. You find hope in the negative things that surround you because you know that God has a bigger plan for you. You appreciate the beauty of god's creation. You learn that everyone is hurting. You become more understanding towards others. You judge less. You care more. You love more. You want to do so much more. The world becomes such a better place. You become less superficial. I'm not saying everything's perfect or the world's perfect. In fact, the world's seriously sick. Filled with hurting,manipulative, self loving and angry people. But remember, "Hurting people hurt people." So when someone hurt you today, know that he or she probably gotten hurt by someone too. We are called to break this vicious cycle. Parents get hurt by their spouse, children get hurt by their parents, they in turn hurt others around them or their future children, there will be no end to this tragedy. And the only way to break this cycle is to LOVE. Because only love reciprocates love. We will probably be dishearten by the way people react or be discourage by others but hey, God died on the cross for you and me. And imagine the much more magnified hurt and pain he has to go through every time we sin, every time we turn away from him. Gather strength from his cruxification because the lord will never abandon us. My sister and I have made it our own personal mission to stop this cycle. It aint easy. They are people whom we dislike. People we feel discouraged by because of their actions or words but we just continue to pray to be instruments of God to spread his love to others.

Let's all break this cycle today and make the world a better place to live in! Let's love! :)

2011-03-28T07:08:00.001-07:00

How has your season of Lent been for you so far? Are you keeping up to the commitments that you have set for yourself?

Lent is such a wonderful season of transformation. I have never appreciated the season of Lent until the recent YV retreat. This season of lent, I wanted to keep to my commitments of fasting and ado time for 2 things, 1. to forgive people whom I am struggling to forgive 2. to change to become a better person.

Praise the lord because I went for my Praying Over follow up session. I was able to forgive, this time, with the grace of God, people that have hurt me. The journey doesn't end here. It is a constant effort, every single day to stay committed to my decision to forgive them. What amazes me the most is how God works is such amazing ways. He is truly guiding every single one of us every single step of the way. After the Praying Over session, I headed to CSC to join my parents for a night of PnW. Father gave a talk on healing and he touched on the topic of what a person should do AFTER healing. Being healed is not a feeling of "highness". To truly be healed, we must be ready to do the will of the Lord and that is to live in truth. We need to strengthen our faith and deepen our relationship with him for us to be truly healed. The most important thing after we are healed is to be GRATEFUL to God.

Everyone is broken in one way or another. Someone, someway, somehow might have caused hurt in your life. Sometimes we don't want to admit it because this shows that we are weak. My prayer for everyone out there, especially to my closest friends is that God plant a seed of humility in him or her. It is through this humility that we can find strength in God's love and allow his love to shine through us.

Forgiveness brings you Joy and Peace.

2011-03-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

It is by forgiving that we can truly be healed from our past. And today's sermon couldnt be more appropriate. Why are we so afraid to forgive? I think it is because of our fear that God will not do a good job in having justice in place. We want revenge. When we forgive, we relinquish our hurt and kinda show them that the hurt they caused was alright. But forgiving is not saying that their actions are okay but rather, knowing that God has a bigger plan for us. Trusting that the hurt was caused was part of God's bigger plan for us. Thank you God, for revealing it to me. If you have someone you need to forgive and you're having difficulty in doing so, I invite you just gazed upon the cross and look at Jesus. And you'll find it in your heart to do so because Jesus died and forgive you when he didnt deserved to. Be inspired by him!

Ithirst and Ihunger!

2011-03-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am in love again.

I say it with so much conviction in my heart and a silly smile on my face. I just had a 3 days retreat with my youth group and I think its a retreat that has changed my life- both as a person and how I see things. Before the retreat I asked God to reveal himself to me. To let me see him as a God not up there but rather a loving father who is beside me. I wanted to know I am a child of God. And most importantly, I wanted to be healed, renewed by the power of the lord. And yes, the lord do answer prayers.

The first session was really frustrating for me. I had this mental blockage. I wanted sooo badly to feel the highness of the session. I wanted to feel touched but yet nothing. I felt nothing. I yearned for him so badly but I just cant seem to connect with him at all. Jeanette was kind enough to pray over me and share with me some of her own experiences about her faith and journey and her own share of past hurts.

On the next day, it was as if God planted the speaker there to talk to me. This words struck me so strongly "YOU DONT HAVE TO FEEL GOD BECAUSE HE IS HERE, HE IS ALWAYS IN YOU EVEN IF YOU CANNOT FEEL HIM". Those words made me realised that God's love or presence isnt a feeling but rather, the FACT that he is and he will be forever with me. Irregardless of how down or high I feel. And he's ways are so amazing. He never let us experience any struggles for nothing! I believe that I was feeling so frustrated on the previous night so that I could appreciate this words even more. So that if ever I feel alone, I know that the Lord is with me. And yes, he is with you too.

We moved to a talk by Edward on how God is calling us to INTENSIFY our relationship with God this season of lent. How we must change from our old ways and use this "dessert" experience as an opportunity to grow in intimacy with God. Perservere. I have never really fasted or understand why we needed to fast. But during the retreat we did, and I dare say that because of it, we hungered for God even more. He really showed me how I must be discipline if I want to follow Christ. I must be committed to stay on the right path and to continually grow my relationship with him. This discipline was something I lacked, but now I know it is SO important in my journey with God. I need the discipline to stay away from temptations that caused me to Sin. Worldly sins may seem good and wonderful at first but you will deal with the consequences later and be enslaved to it.

I went for confession after that and the priest starting probing things and revealed things that I never knew were sins. I was even pretty smug about it. I didnt even consider those things sins and couldnt understand why he said those things to me and alas, everything is in God's perfect plan. We had the highlight of the retreat- PRAYING OVER session. I simply just broke down like mad as the music administered to me. I wailed so loudly and cried so badly as images of all the betrayal just came flashing across my mind. I saw the image of myself crying and wailing one year ago and how I told my dad that he didnt want me anymore. And this time, there were other images that were revealed. Memories that I never knew hurt me or affected me. And this awesome guy Martin came over to pray over me. And I just wept as he became the instrument of God to heal me. I only told him I want to be healed and he started praying. After a while he said this words to me "CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC? BECAUSE I SEE A HOLE IN YOUR HEART". And he just prayed over me and ask me to repeat his words, " I....... Forgive ......" And I starting crying even louder telling him that I cant. I cannot forgive them for what they did to me. I cannot forgive and say a prayer for them cuz deep in my heart, I am not ready. And he just gently ask me to sit down and pray for God's grace. I started to be real angry. I was pissed that because of my openess to God, he opened up my wound all over again. My 1 year of effort trying to numb my pain is back. I was so devestated, so down and angry all I could think of was to go home. When everyone was feeling so high and happy while they sing praises after their praying over session, I just sat on the floor. My heart was in sooooooooooo much pain. I could not talk let alone sing. I was just staring into thin air as tears just flow uncontrollably. I was so angry that God made me see my pathetic self once again. Someone so broken because of some people who have hurt me. As everyone went off for their group sharing, I had a 2nd praying oversession, this time, by everyone! Still I didnt feel anything but I began to see everything so clearly when one of them talked to me. GOD IS OPENING MY WOUND ONCE AGAIN BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HEAL ME THE RIGHT WAY. HE WANTS TO GO TO THE ROOT OF WHAT HURT ME AND JUST TAKE IT ALL AWAY. IN ORDER TO FILL MY CUP, I NEEDED TO EMPTY WHAT WAS IN IT THE FIRST PLACE. HE REVEALED WHAT WAS PREVENTING MYSELF FROM BECOMING CLOSER TO HIM. HE DID ALL THIS SO THAT I MIGHT BE HEALED" And this just brings joy to my heart! I am so glad I didnt leave the retreat because I just kept receiving more and more.

The act of people forgiving one another through the washing of the feet was so amazingly touching. The love of God allowed us to take away our humility to just ask one another for forgiveness. There were lotsa tears and all but I truly believe that YV will never be the same again because we were just so filled with the holy spirit. Our praise and worship sessions were just so hair raising. Through the praise and the voices you cannot deny that every single person was touched by God. I could really really see his presence through the works of everybody's transformation. so PRAISE GOD!

I am not healed completely and I have a long way more to go. The people were gracious enough to want to conduct another praying over session for me when I am ready to let go of it all. This season of lent, I am determine to work on my relationship with God and pray for a forgiving heart. One thing that kinda upset me was that I really really wanted Sarah, Sherlyn, Lionel and Shaun to experience all that I had. To see all the love from God and to see the transformation in YV. But I believe that God has his own plans for them. The retreat was also so beautiful because it not only improved our personal relationship with God, it also renewed our faith in the community. It taught us why it was so important for us to stay in the community and the support we gave one another was just indescribable. We are truly one big family. I cant wait to see the plans God have installed for me and I cant wait to see YV on sunday! Continue to pray for us that with whatever difficulties that may come our way, we as YV will overcome it all with the Lord as our strength and shield!

Have a good day y'all! And remember, God loves you.

I will break this chains that bind me.
Happiness will find me.
Leave the past behind me.
Today my life begins.
- Bruno Mars

2011-02-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

http://morningbaileys.tumblr.com/

2011-02-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah, the picture above? That's my church. St Francis Xavier. Taken by Aaron James Teo

This month has been pretty rough for me. Had my fair share of internal struggles which I feel too prideful to share with others. Gave a slice of what I am going through with my beloved sis and it's so heartwarming to see the inspiring words she give me through a text message. Indeed, self rejection is a sin and thoughts to bring yourself down is not the work of God but the work of the Devil. It prevents you from loving yourself. How else then can you give love or even believe that you should receive love when you cant even love yourself. So many girls are falling prey to the vicious effects of marketing. We are told constantly how we should look or else we wont be happy. We are constantly bombarded with images and words that reminds us of how dissatisfied we are. We learnt in marketing class, a NEED is created when there is a difference between your current state and your desired state. The ironic thing is, my job in future is to create all this needs amongst people. Wicked marketing.

I need to gym.

I need to study.

I need to clear the room.

I need to book tickets for the Far East Movement show.

I need to change my perception.

ciao!

2011-01-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

It's been such a long time since I've last updated this blog! I guess my only loyal reader is none other than Yue Lian! Thanks for your constant support darling girl.

This would kinda be a late post for the 31st of Dec 2010, so bear with me.

2010 have been and absolutely fantastic year! Even though I experienced a breakup, I think it was the most amazing thing that happened to me. I gained so much from that experience. For 1, God helped me take a big step which I was never ever courageous enough to take. I experienced the tremendous love of my friends and family and once again, God showed me that he truly truly exist. It's through the break up that I come to know that God is so amazing with his plans. The break up was not as painful as my first because everything happened so gradually. It was as if though, the gentle lord helped me get ready for the final blow. My parents were ever so kind enough to sponsor me for a 2 weeks trip to Aussie, my Genting trip and my Vietnam trip. The bonds and experiences I had in those countries would be with me forever. My results were also pretty good and 2010 have truly truly been such a blessed year. Praise God!

If one thing that I am most proud of for the year 2010 is the independence I have gained. Being Single for almost a year, I now know that I am not that dependent as I thought myself to be. I am totally able and capable of achieving my dreams if I set my mind to it. So never underestimate yourself! God will never give you tasks that are too big for you to handle! you just have to have faith in him.

Since I received so much from God in 2010, I sincerely want to make 2011 more about him! I'm gonna concentrate on having a deeper relationship with god. Maintaining the love I have for my friends, community and family. 2011 is also a new journey for me. I am gonna start my career, prolly head overseas for my honours or I might even pick up a new hobby! 2011 is gonna be exciting and if it's god's will I will prolly have a new love! haha But I aint looking for one so cheers everyone!

Happy New Year! (Belated!)

2010-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

Within the next 5 years. A lot would change.

Watch my space.

2010-08-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

I'm slowing fading into nothingness.
I've been too disconnected from God. I am gonna find my way back.
I cant please the whole world. I am sorry if i've every disappointed you in some way or another. I only have 24 hours a day.

2010-08-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've updated this lil space. Been very busy with school work. I dont know why but I do find a lot of joy in being busy and focused. It gives me a sense of achievement.

Will all the Single Ladies please stand up?

I've never really been single because all my past relationships are kinda long and boy am I proud to say that I've been single for almost 8 months now. Most of my friends can see myself being single for a year and more if i really want to and I agree. I don't need a guy in my life. I have my friends, I have my goals and family. But I am not saying that I'm closing my doors. If it happens it happens.

Anyways my point of blogging is to vent my frustrations about being Single. Yes, being single has it ups and downs too. Beside feeling envious of couples who can snuggle up with one another and all, there's a nagging dilemma. What is the line to draw between being nice and leading them on? And at the end of the day, I am sick of losing what I think are friendships. It hurt me really bad before and I dont want history to repeat itself.

Scenario: A treats you very well. And to the girl, he's like such a nice person and friend. She absolutely loves the friendship. But of course, everyone knows that guys dont treat girls well for nothing ( this is what my friends constantly remind me ) and when he decides to pop the big questions, " DO YOU LIKE ME TOO? ", everything will start falling down. Then the friendship seem fake. He isnt as nice as you thought he'll be. In a way you lose a friend.

Sad but true.

Should I protect myself by avoiding the situation?

But if so, how would I know who's the one.

If we dare to fall in love, we must dare to feel a broken heart.

If we dare to hope, we must be prepared to feel disappointed.

And I dont dare.

2010-07-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

Life is too good. Too too good. I feel like I'm a sinner.

Need to stop eating all this good food.

Need to lose more weight.

Need to stop eating.

2010-07-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

We're constantly battling with ourselves. Trying to find the real "me". So that we would be comfortable in our own skin and that we would exude confidence that the world so deem as attractive. We strive for perfection, or at least we try to and sometimes we get caught up in a whirlpool that leave you feeling depressed and lousy instead.

I've been thinking. What exactly is "perfection"? To me, I see a pretty girl with a good career, true friends, a wonderful collection of clothes,shoes and bags, a good social network for business reasons, good family relationship, a wonderful husband, someone who does constant travelling, smart and is active in church.

But is it possible? People might think that I am pursuing the way of the world. Trying to lead my version of a perfect life which i know is almost close to impossible. Come to think of it, i might be subconsciously influenced by all the reality series I watch on E channel. I felt depressed for days and then the sudden thought strike me.

To lead the perfect life is to lead a purpose driven life. To fulfill the reason why God placed us on earth. Because when we truly do what we are made to do, we would be perfect. God would bless us with the grace and the gifts that are meant for us. However, to uncover God's purpose for us would be a constant journey that we would be seeking. Until then, how should we go about living?

I've had so many talks with her about how disgusting the world is. How our own fellow catholics are so hypocritical. How the world judge without knowing shit about anything. And I asked her " WHAT IS YOUR WORLD?" We always try to please the world. And who we are trying to please depends on how we define the world. Is it the Fashion Industry? Beauty industry? your friends? the entertainment industry? the church? God? your family? your academic progress? your career? your boyfriend? Some of this are independent of each other. For instance, if your world is to please the entertainment industry and church, you'll find yourself trying to struggle between this two opposing worlds. So at the end of the day, define your own world.

I am struggling because, I dont know what's my world anymore.

2010-07-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

After collecting my huge luggage bag and my beautiful new guitar, i was so excited to see 2 familiar faces peeking through the glass and waving hysterically at me- my wonderful parents. My Australia trip had been THE experience of a lifetime. Being away from my family for 2 weeks was definitely a first for me. This trip made me even more aware about how blessed I am with such an awesome awesome family and awesome awesome friends. I really really praise God at mass yesterday for the wonderful grace that he has blessed me with. The trip was truly made irreplaceable because of the friends that brought me around and kinda give me a peek of their lives in Kangaroo land. I'm ever so grateful for their precious time and hospitality! Even friends in Singapore who went to see me off and the welcome me when I came back was also very heartwarming. (i am not writing a speech but i really really feel so so thankful!) And nevertheless, I screwed up in Australia too. And I learned a very very hard lesson about my shopping habits. I am ever so thankful for my understanding and lovely parents for not even chiding me and was even so kind enough settle everything for my birthday party. The money they have given me really left me speechless.

I feel so unworthy of such lovely people in my lives and I ask God to help me become a better person so that I could be there for them in any way that they need me to do or be. I really hope I do well for my uni and ultimately in life, so that I can be all I can be to give my parents what they deserve.

Praise God!

On a lighter note, the trip also made me realised what I truly want in a guy. Haha and yes. I think i deserve the best and that I had my fair share of failed relationships and bummer boyfriends.

1. Doesnt Smoke

2. Have a close relationship with his family

3. Have his priorities in life

4. Have a rough idea of what he wants to be in 5 years time

5. Have a good spiritual life or at least try to have one

6. Comes from a good family background

7. Doesnt have horrible sleeping habits

Haha Is it too much to ask for ?

2010-06-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like bursting. I dont know how much longer I can keep this secret. Ahhhhhhhh

2010-06-06T08:40:00.001-07:00

You make my heart go OH MY GOD. :>

2010-06-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

So what if I came clean, and told you all you mean to me, so what if I meant every word I said,
baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name, cause you're always on my brain, in a heart I paint in crimson red,
baby dont let it go to your head
Dont be getting any big ideas, let me make it clear

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, and just cause I think of you in bed,
dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too, too many times, analyse every word you said,
dont let it go to your head, oh oh, don't let it go to your head, oh oh

So what if I want to kiss, from your toes up to your lips, it don't mean that you have me yet,
youre gonna be good out of bed, I'm the one who's in control here, let me make it clear

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, just cause I think of you in bed,
dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too, too many times, analyse,
every word you said, dont let it go to your head, dont let it go to your head, oh oh

Now you think you got me
Well im gonna get you
Now you think you can touch me
Well im gonna let you

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, just cause I think of you in bed, dont let it go to ur head
Just cause I cant go on
Just cause I die when ur gone
Just cause I think of you in bed, dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too,
too many times, analyse every word you said, dont let it go to your head, dont let it go to your head,

Don't let it go to your head.

2010-05-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

I need to constantly remind myself that no one would be there for me forever. I've come to a point in my life where i know guys just come and go. They whisper sweet nothings and say stuff which they do to all girls in the beginning stage. Their games and methods are suddenly all too familiar. I wont hunger for their attention. I wont even try to take the initiative because if I truly matter, I believe I'll be worth their determination. I dont really care if at the end of the day, i might die all alone as an old woman because truly, men are just not made to be together with women. And the day I can ever truly let someone in is when I've let God take control of my entire life. If God is the foundation and the purpose of my existence, I would be assured that no man/lover could ever disappoint or crush me.

Like what we sang in session today, greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. What line are you willing to cross?

Forget me not

2010-05-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

I am so damn pissed with myself. Why am i so damn freaking forgetful and careless.

I left my cashmere sweater in China, my Mango leather jacket in Turkey and now my Nike dunks in fucking phuket. I have lost my favourite necklace with the word Love. I seriously need to get it all again. Screw this unnecessary shit.

2010-05-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

I wanna love you. I wanna be true.

2010-05-02T00:00:00.001-07:00

Very soon, it's all gonna be over.

Sleepovers with the crazy bunch
My 21st birthday preparation
Sam's 21st!
Pitbull concert
Phuket for a 5 day spa resort
2 weeks to aussie with Abriel and gonna see my girls!!
Party every wednesday
Countless of movies
Johor Bahru
Lina's competition at PLAY with the girls
Singing session
Meet ups with everyone

And of course, God almighty.

Seems like I'll be even busier than before my exams.

2010-04-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Boy, You got me thinking last night.

You think?

Holy is your Name

2010-04-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes ( Revelation 7:9, 14-17)

It's 2:14am and I have been cramping my brain with all the possible information I could fit when suddenly I had this urge to blog and praise God. I really want to thank him for helping me pull through my rough times, for bringing such angel like friends and family into my life and to constantly give me hope for my future. I feel so horrible that I cant be there for my dearest friend V who is also going through a breakup. I wish I could do so much more for him but my busy studying schedule doesnt allow me to do so and I really pray for God to touch him and open his heart. It's okay to cry and feel sad, but like once a great friend told me, just don't indulge in the misery!

Dear v, There is a whole new world out there if you just allow yourself to be open to it. You might be someone's eyecandy just by studying at Kovan's mac(hehe!), you might strengthen your relationship with your parents, friends and god, you might develop new hobbies and skills you never knew. You will get to meet even better people. You will never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. And trust me, no one needs anybody in this world except God. And you are definitely stronger than you think you are!

May the lord be the architect of my Life. May he be the pillars and the foundation of my character so that i can fulfill the purpose he has for me.

2010-04-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord. I thank God for you. For bringing you into my life. For giving me hope and placing a smile on my face. Thank you for going through the tough times with me. Thank you for the words of encouragement when the world seems so selfish and immature. Thank you for being the wonderful you. I thank God for giving me the strength to place hope in his grace.

2010-04-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Now i know why they left you. Because you would be a total disappointment.

2010-04-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

I could write a book about you. A book on all your little idiosyncracies and habits. How you can only cry with the right side of your eye, how you sleep with three pillows, how you specifically order your double cheese burger, how your fart smells of super bad eggs, how you cant read the time with hands, how you have fear of heights, how important it is to you that you have your hair done when you`re going to somewhere "not near home", how you hate the crowd in public transports, how you hate sweet desserts and the way you sing along to the gayest songs ever. Not a day goes by without some small little memory or thought of you popping in my mind. But memories don't kill me. I've accepted the fact that the person I used to love is one that isnt mine anymore. The person I've loved was never one who love solely me. He puts himself first above all things. His pleasure, his satisfaction, his happiness all above mine. No matter whether how badly it hurt me, all he thought was himself. We could have been perfect for each other. But the only person you have ever loved is yourself. I really thank God that his family is still so loving and caring towards me. I am truly blessed.

I refuse to be like all those other girls. I love myself too much. I wont accept being 2nd place because I dont deserve it. I am a much stronger person now. I am for once, truly free. Free from all the fear of being a guy who has no control of his emotions or feelings. I dont have to feel jealous, insecure or worried for or about anymore. I am truly for once, not the jealous girlfriend. I've been almost attached for my teenage years and I know I should enjoy my singlehood. This does not mean that I`ll be like a he-slut accepting anyone who comes along the way. I'll let God take control of my pen and write a new chapter of my love diary.

2010-04-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of Jonas brothers but I absolutely love this song and the lyrics of it. It would be awesome if my next boyfriend plays this on the guitar and ask that I be his girlfriend. Haha The mugging battle is officially here and I am currently on track and praise God for that.

From Mitch's note:

Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won't cheat on you cause he knows he's got all he wants and needs already, the kind that's willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn't mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep. That kind that will do anything for you, even if it's just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won't ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won't leave you lonely and wondering. The kind that isn't afraid to smile to his friends every time you're around and tell them, “She's the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they're small gestures. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you're falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it's a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he's happy with you in case you forget. The kind that kisses your forehead when you're down, the kind that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through think and thin with, and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are. That kind of man, that's the kind you keep.

When you refuse to accept nothing but the best, you usually do obtain it.

2010-04-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

I saw something today. I think i`m in love.

2010-04-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

What exactly is hate? Hate is the root of all evil. Hate is nothing more than fear, and fear is nothing more than the unknown. You say, "You cheated on me, I hate you." Or are you really just afraid of being hurt? You say, "I hate you. You stole from me." Or are you really just afraid of letting someone in, in fear of repeat occurrences?? So, I say again, hate is nothing more than fear, and fear

and fear is nothing more than the unknown. So if it's fear you really hate, overcome and adapt to your fears, and you will never hate."

2010-04-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

My day started out very rough. With misunderstandings and struggles with every aspect of my life. The week had been horrible. I felt I was falling back to square one again. I was angry. I was filled with hatred and I didnt like it. I didnt want to feel anything anymore.

I am really glad that I went for session after school. It had totally transformed and lifted my spirits up. When I saw jesus, torn, brutally tortured, hurt on the cross it really dawn upon me that what I am going through is nothing compared to God. I felt sooo awful and guilty. He was totally innocent and yet, he chose to die on the cross for us. I did nothing through out the whole season of lent. I didnt even experience a mini part of sacrifice he went through. His love for us totally humbled me. To know the amount of struggles he went through for us to be free is really the strength i needed to keep me going.

When I was upset that I was experiencing some problems with my friend whom I cared about and was in fact angry that all she thought of was her point of view. I realised, when we wanted Jesus to be crucified, he didnt even say a word. Who am I to be angry for something I had a part to play in the first place?

When I was angry and filled with hatred for the pain and betrayal, I realised. I betrayed God too. Those who welcome him with palms were the exact same people who put him to death. Who am I to tell God and blame him for everything when I chose someone like J in the first place?

I ended off with a very good session with just Julia. And i believe that he has truly touched us during this session. I really hope that we continue to keep our faith going and to keep our focus on him. People come and go. Worldly possessions can only do this much. But it`s the love of God that could fill our emptiness. I hope that we can put him in the foreground than the always push him to the back.

AMEN

2010-03-31T18:44:00.001-07:00

Jesus, please take the hatred I have in me away.

I really h8 you to the core. Shameless, immature, selfish and useless bitch.

2010-03-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

But I miss you finally
But I miss you finally
Try to remember all these years
We shared the love we shared the tears
Thought that forever it would be
I realize you lie to me
I still hold on
Still dream of days when we were one

You played with my heart
You played with my mind
But I miss you finally
Right from the start
My love made me blind
But I miss you finally
All of these promises you made
This 4 letter word it seems to

Baby it's hard to understand
Now that you're gone
We reached the end
I still believe
Still dream of days when we were one

You played with my heart
You played with my mind
Right from the start
My love made me blind

Mom's back!

2010-03-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

A freaking long and tiring day today. The pressure is taking a toil on me. The funniest sentence said today was from Alan. "he is toooo evil!!!!". Today is just one of those not so good days. I cant allow myself to fall back to Day 1. But oh well, tomorrow would be better.

2010-03-27T10:33:00.001-07:00

You think you know but you have no idea.

Day 6!

" Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance toward the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point. Climb slowly, steadily, enjoying each passing moment; and the view from the summit will serve as a fitting climax for the journey."
Harold Melchert

2010-03-23T02:08:00.001-07:00

It's day 1 again!

2010-03-18T05:56:00.001-07:00

With Dignity!

Day 1.

2010-03-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

I've not blogged for the longest time. I have been busy with my school work and now, my exam timetable is out. I seriously feel that i`m having a race with time. Anyways, good bye. I cant believe it's all said and done. Always the same old story and same old song. But I can comfort myself knowing that I'm gonna enjoy the ending.

2010-02-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

I need a getaway.

Faced with reality, so many questions and fears all start filling my head.

Wht Lord.

Why is Aussie not part of your will?

2010-02-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

Listen to your heart; Do not stay on the surface, but go to the heart of things!

And when the time is right, have the courage to decide!

The Lord is waiting for you to put your freedom in his good hands.

- Yv's blog

2010-02-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

I wanna thank you now.

For being patient with me

oh it's so hard to see

when my eyes are on me

I guess i'll have to trust

And just believe what you say

oh you`re coming again

coming to take me away.

i praise God for the YV retreat that I attended about a week ago. i went to the retreat wanting to search for answers. to discern about how i should approach my problem and how i can have a deeper relationship with God. I gained so much during retreat. the quiet time was really what I needed and the stronger bond I had with the girls and other members of YV were just wonderful. i went for bible sharing last night and i left with this reflection :

Sometimes, our pleas to God goes unanswered but dont disheartened. God loves us as a community. A community in prayer, the eucharist and christ. The moment we ask God for help we're in a ministry. God wants to answer our prayers where it will benefit everybody and not only us as individuals. He has a bigger picture and plan that we cannot see. When you feel alone with all your struggles. Take to heart that God is using us to help others. That whatever you`re going thru is used to shape others too. It's our daily vocation to have faith in that bigger picture!!!!

2010-01-29T10:47:00.000-08:00

My life is not all overwhelmed with emo shit but I only blog when I am feeling pretty down. Everything is so confusing that it is so frustrating. What to do? Show me and I will follow.

RIPPED FROM LISH'S BLOG ENTRY

2010-01-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

At some point, you've got to be selfish and choose what benefits you the most. Eliminating anything or anyone that can make you lose control of yourself, make you weak. You've got to play your cards right and pull out when you feel you're slipping ... relying and becoming too dependent on the material... Live the good moments, and NEVER make room for the bad even if they may be just what you need to feel alive.

In this world, no one needs anyone. We were born with nothing, and we shall leave with nothing.

You're fooled by commercialized bullshit if you believe that the material (objects, people...etc) will make you happy. It will, but it will also be the ONE THING that can break you down. Make you weak. Make you dependent.

And Disney (and happily ever afters), and hallmark (and happily ever after) and romance and love, and lust and pride and joy and sadness ...

They're not real.

They're subjective realities, affirmed by society and further defined by the individual.

Fall into that trap, and you'll be dependent ... you'll be weak. Because, people let you down. Always.

No one needs anyone.

It's nice to have someone, but really, no one NEEDS anyone.

As Tyler Durden (Fight Club) said, "It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything"

2010-01-26T05:24:00.000-08:00

I told God, I love being in love!

But why am I always getting hurt by it?

And then i realize,

I have soooooooo many awesome friends.

Such a wonderful family.

If i dont give my love to them then who?

Breathe.

2010-01-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and itll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

Dear J, I miss you and us tonight.

2010-01-21T20:34:00.001-08:00

I dont feel important.

I dont feel needed.

I dont feel loved.

I dont feel our connection.

maybe I should just stay away.

2010-01-18T08:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

2010-01-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

I'm in deep shit. I forgot my blog password and I could only access it now because this server has my password saved. I had a wonderful time catching up with all the lovely people in my life. And friends are really angels sent by God to guide me and be there for me. Thank you.

Because tonight, I just want to forget about everything. I dont want things to be in black and white.

2010-01-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

STOP NOW.

You're born like that.

A fucker.

2010-01-11T18:37:00.000-08:00

Do you believe that some people are just meant to be? God Chose them to be together for life. When you're together you just feel so right.

Anyways, the quote of the day from some app :

Dont worry about losing. If it's right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry.

Nothing good gets away.

2010-01-09T21:17:00.000-08:00

Empower me lord, with the strength i never knew i had.

With love i never knew i could give.

Help change all my fears into hope.

You always give and take away.

time and time again, you make me go through this painful lesson.

I`m not sure of your ways.

Why you want all these to happen to me.

You teach me to love.

But yet , I feel that to love is to fear.

Are all this lessons your way of helping me grow?

Reminding me not to get ahead of myself and to only rely on my own strength?

Whatever it is,

I have faith that you'll always have a plan for me.

And it'll get better.

2010-01-09T07:24:00.000-08:00

A Swedish love story. 1970

2010-01-09T04:10:00.000-08:00

I need a change.

Gonna start with my hair. Say hi to the new me

Cute pup.

I cant live by what i feel

2010-01-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

I was watching telly in the afternoon and there was this mini clip of an old man ( the santa type) who woke up next to his old wife. He stroked her cheek and kissed her ever so gently as she lay motionless beside him. He went to the bathroom to clean up, made breakfast for himself and made another portion for his wife but no one was sitting at her place. He went up and looked at all the pictures they took when they were younger and knelt down beside his wife and held onto her hands. He changed to his finest suit and combed his hair. He then opened his wife cupboard and took out clothes for her. He cried and took a sniff of his wife clothes. I guess he was hoping to experience what is left of her. And it ended with him lying next to her holding onto her hands.

I dont really know what's the moral of the story but the immense love the old man had for his wife brought me to tears. Someone told me, it's when the lovey dovey period is over that true love comes. Everyone is disillusioned with the word LOVE and abuse it. Is love a feeling? or is love sticking with each other thru good and bad. But whatever it is, I learnt that with maturity comes love. I really wonder if such a guy exist for me? Is there someone who's willing to grow old with me? To go travelling with me? Is it even possible to have such a beautiful love life since we are all humans? Being human, we all have weakness.

And then, i switched the channel and Oprah's Show was playing. And Jim carrey said this. Believe that it's possible. Because God created this beautiful planet with mountains and seas and even the platypus, why wouldnt he create someone who is meant for you and perfect for you. All you have to do is to know what you want and settle for nothing less. Believe.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Alan say is so true sigh.

It was the first day of school yesterday. The subject Service Quality was really dry and boring. I went to somerset 313 after school and yes! I shopped again : > I saw this really pretty gold ring with the word LOVE but I'm looking for one that is of real gold so it wouldnt rust. I went to pick the rest up for a game of L4D2 and then! I completely lost my voice. : ( So much so that when I`m being attacked I have to slam the damn table. Hahah Decided to skip lecture and mitch's bday today to recover so hopefully i can go to school tmr. I need to score really really well for this sem. My future is at stake.

2010-01-04T09:26:00.001-08:00

I see the cycle repeating all over again.

2010-01-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

Mr A asked me: So what would you do?
And I answered: If ever i feel tempted or if I feel that a guy is interested in me I would definitely keep a distance! If i feel that my classmate is interested in me by talking to me every single day or trying to converse with me with random topics, I would like back off. That's the difference between me and you.

2010-01-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

Saved some picz from JM countdown album. I've never clubbed with such a big group before. And alcohol and music can sometimes only make your night go even worse. But nevertheless, everyone was awesome :>

Irregardless of how I feel, actions speak louder than words.

One can tell me how sorry he/she is but are they truly sorry?

It's more than words. It 's through the actions.

It's only after change that you're really sorry.

Anyone can just simply use words.

I cant believe the song Let U Go by ashley parker is on my mp3 again.

I have this wierd habit where i love to listen to songs and imagine that this are the words you want to say to me.

Funny how the song You Know Me by robbie williams used to be your favourite song.

Another song by robbie williams " Better man "

Crazy.

2009-12-31T17:50:00.001-08:00

It's the first day of the new year : > I had to drag myself out of bed to attend mass but boy am I glad I went ( Even though I had my eyes closed!) Anyways I will like to share something and at the same time remind myself what Father Bosco said during his sermon today. Whether you're a catholic, I think it's very meaningful.

Sometimes people tell you not to bother to make new year's resolution because you aint gonna stick to them anyways but they are sooo wrong. If you see the resolutions that people make, you'll come to know that they are just a wish list. Resolutions are the specific steps you want to take in order to complete your wish. It's your resolute stand on what you want to achieve.

Example:
Wish : I want to score better grades for my exams.
Resolution: I am going to put in 2 hours more to study everyday.

So true right? Anyways, 2009 is already over. What have you done during that year? Did you improve yourself? Did you achieve your goals? Maintain your relationships with your family and friends? Did you have spiritual growth? Or did you just waste another year.
A new year has come so make it a wonderful one with God as your guide and strength.

I'm gonna reflect on my past year and write resolutions for my 2010. For the first time in my life, it wouldnt be vague goals but the steps I'm gonna take to achieve them. Gonna go back to bed already. Have a great year everyone.

Love,
Jamie

Only Grace

2009-12-31T08:51:00.000-08:00

It's 2010 and another year has passed. What's this year gonna be like?
I heard this song I'll never leave you by Hardy Mirza when I was driving today and if anyone has it please send it to me. Thanks.

Anyone wanna catch Alvin and the chipmunks with me?

My world had just gone by
Always darkened skies
There was no reason to try
Never could fly

Now Im tired of searching
And wondering why
Its not really all that, much far
Reaching out for stars

Time to reach out
Time to be who I am

Chorus
Finally, I believe
My dreams will unfold
Its like being touched by an angel
A brand new beginning
Its amazing
This is, a moment, I will remember

Finally, I can feel
Heaven on earth
Its like being touched by an angel
My world is changing
Im living out loud
Feels like, Im been, touched by an angel above

Ive waited for so long
For this day to arrive
The world seems a different place
Knowing I can fly

When the heart and the head dont agree.

2009-12-31T00:02:00.000-08:00

It was really sweet of yl, yvonne and jess to hold a conference to talk about my situation and how to comfort me. That was reallllllly very very touching babes! Really really touched. Anyways, they told me a lil story that they came up with :

I've been hugging a tree for about 3 years now. And only shocked to see that it is rotting.There are many young trees around me but maybe because I`m afraid of changes or having to adapt to the new tree and new environment I continue hugging onto the familiar rotting tree. and maybe a few years pass by and the tree just gets more rotten . . . .

2009-12-29T19:59:00.000-08:00

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
I'm not ok.

I know I must be strong.
And though it's difficult for me and all these tears I cry I cant let you know. I hate how I always use my heart and not my head. I've come to a conclusion about the whole entire situation and everyone says the same thing. Even though you keep pleading with me and saying I'm the one, I am not sure if I should believe it since it happened again. I really need God to help me get through this because how do you leave when you love someone? I really hope that when he's the man he should be we would be together again. ily and imy

2009-12-29T10:25:00.000-08:00

I am always blessed. In whatever situation I`m in. I have my loving family, my cousins and my wonderful wonderful friends. I am really very lucky to have so many people by my side. A big big thanks and I appreciate it : > I pray for strength to get by each day. I pray that when I miss him and when days and nights get really tough that God will have pity on me.

And if you`re reading this I think you're a fucking disguisting two face bitch.

And I can only LOL about all the comments people give me.

2009-12-25T09:48:00.000-08:00

Merry Xmas : >

Let it Go.

2009-12-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

I went shopping again at Junction 8 and 313. I am fucking happy with all my buys but I`m like damn broke now. I cant decide on which colour to choose for my bags and shoes and I end up buying all of them. I seriously need to go to re-learn the word Opportunity Cost. Finally, I met up with Yue Lian and Jess today but the time we had just wasnt enough. I wish that YL will one day have no more early curfews!

Anyways, I am really excited about my after graduation holiday! I`ll be leaving for Singapore for about a month plus to travel to Australia with Sarah! I`m going to visit her in perth and then Nikki at Melbourne and Gail at Sydney!!! Then My parents would be flying down to sydney for a few days and I`ll be joining them for another road trip at new zeland. Awesomeness or what?
But I`m not sure if I would survive being away alone and not being able to be with baby boy. But hey, the plan is to learn to be independent right?!

2009-12-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

(my vomit 711 bag!)

2009-12-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

Because we couldnt shop in turkiye, we brought the shopping spirit back to Singapore! Went shopping on Sunday and we`re going back to shop on Tuesday : > Heard somerset 313 is A-AWESOME and I cant wait to step into the 4 storey f21 shop! And this time B is coming along with me. :>

Anyways, sometimes I hate SALE. My $79 dress is now sold for $13.

2009-12-21T04:43:00.001-08:00

WHY CANT GUYS JUST FUCKING GET IT?
JUST BECAUSE YOU KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT ABOUT THE TRUTH DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY. IT`S STILL A FUCKING LIE. WHATHEFUCK ARE THEIR BRAINS FOR.

2009-12-19T22:33:00.000-08:00

I am back from turkiye ( That`s how the turkish spell their country's name)! I brought SO many outerwear and scarves the people were shocked. hahah 2000 over photos see you on fb!

2009-12-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

Just sent in my appeal letter. It`s in the hands of God now.
Now expecting anything but just giving myself a glimmer of hope.

Got to start packing my luggage soon.

Why have you forsaken me?

2009-12-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

I feel so lost and alone. Maybe it's my fault that I drifted away from God that's why bad things happen to me. My results were out this morning and I went through a lot of procedures just to change my password. I was really fucking anxious and worried. I mean, I knew the Marketing paper was difficult but the passing criteria is really one kinda fucked up.

1. I got played out by my lecturere because he said we didnt need to study chapter 13,14 and 15 and fucking 14 came out.
2. I had a HIGH distinction for my marketing project but guess what. in order to mother fucking pass I have to pass my paper which consists of 3 questions each being 60 marks. And question 2 was completely bullocks because it was chapter 14. How to get 30 marks you tell me?

WHO THE FUCK SET SUCH A HORRIBLE CRITERIA?!!

Anyways, I have 3 distinctions
but yes, I failed Marketing Research. It was unbelieveable because I thought the High D for my projects would help pull my marks up but No. NEED TO PASS THE PAPER. i cant even appeal anymore. Sigh I really put in soooo much effort for my school work and now this.

Bye.

2009-11-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

Everyone will grow old some day.

Enjoy your moment.

2009-11-21T11:34:00.000-08:00

Nov 10!

My baby sister finally turned 18. Unfortunately she couldnt celebrate it because she had a paper the following day. So I planned a mini surprise with the family. Baby and I went to collect her cheesecake and we ordered jap food for dinner since we couldnt eat out. and yes! She was soooo surprise. When the family when into her room with the cake she was on the phone with her friend she didnt suspect anything. Hahah So cute. Love you sisssssy. Part 2 of your bday soon<3

2009-11-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

I wonder how those other girls hide their true feelings. When they are unhappy with their boyfriends they just go " oh well ". Seriously, I wanna kow tow to them. How do you put a smile on your face when you feel so fucked up? I was talking to my girlfriend the other day and I really wonder how she does it.

Anyways, mom says, if you cant trust, you cant love. Then how did i manage to do it for 3 years plus? I guess it`s just my nature that I can never ever trust a guy. I`ve seen too many things. Experience too many things. It`s so sad that it`s happening to all my friends. People say I want to control too much. How to let go when I see stuff like that happening around me?

sigh just dream about the korean hotties.

Forever and ever.

2009-11-19T21:46:00.000-08:00

How`s your holidays coming along?!! Or are you still having the dreaded exams? Fret not, December is coming and we could all go out soon! Hang in there babes!

I gave Joanne a surprise visit for ther 20th birthday and I am so glad I got to spend time with the pretty cousins! It was soooo good seeing here again and I cant wait to go for supper with them. We went to Cafe Iguana and the the mars bar shot was the bomb. But I`m reminded once again that I do not like Mexican food.

Picnic with b have been postponed because of the rainy weather that happens everrrryday.

My mother and I have the same bad habit. When we start watching a drama series. We must finish it in order to resume to the usual activities. I remember being hooked onto a show when school was still going on and I had to skip school to finish the whole series in order for me to concentrate on lecture. This is bad.

I stayed up last night to finish a Korean drama "Tree of Heaven". I usually avoid melancholy and sorrowful shows because I hate feeling sad but that show was an exception because of someone. Anyways the actor said something like " I will protect you FOREVER." It suddenly dawned on me that forever is such a fucking strong word. I will never use that word because so many things could happen. Death, a break up, illness or smth. But it`s indeed a very sweet word. but yes, unbelievable if someone said that to me.

2009-11-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

It was a fun night last night : > ! i got to know sooooo many more classmates from my lecture class. Hahah We drank sooooooooo much that I fell on the freaking dance floor. And I hate it when my face gets tomato red. Seriously hideous. It was supper at Geylang 126 after clubbing. This is the life. No textbooks, no memorising, no Macdonalds and no pens!

More photos on FB! If I can upload it that is.

2009-11-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog, I am officially back to blogggggging! I`m sorry to have neglected you except for my occasional scribbles and rants.

This October has been one hell a rollercoaster ride for me. I cant believe I`ve been studying EVERY SINGLE DAY for one month. Yes I know, I totally changed in University. Maybe it's because of the goals I wanna achieve that I relied sooooo much on myself that I totally forgot about God. Yesterday was my last paper and my dearest sissy's first A level paper. She was like praying and all before she went to school to sit for her paper and she even asked me to say a prayer with her. That was when I realised. " Shit man. I totally forgot". I didnt even go for mass because I wanted to spend my time studying and I couldnt even take that one hour break. Relying on my own strength was one of my worse experience in my life. I couldnt gain control of everything. No matter how much effort I put in, no matter how hard I studied for my exams I had no control of what was tested in exams. I felt kinda unfair that those party people only studied till the very last min but hey they might perform better than me because I studied that chpt a long time ago and I could barely remember anything. To make matters worse, I got played out by my Marketing Research lecturer. None of his hints came out and I only memorised that. Sighhhh I`ll prolly have to retake my marketing module. *oh god bless me!
I hope God will have mercy on my and allow me to pass all my subjects considering the amount of late nights and sacrifices and shit i went thru.

Okay, the negativity aside, I had almost all distinctions for my project except for 2 sstttttinky cursed subjects! Considering the amount of effort Yvonne love and I put in, it was really fucking disappointing not to score better. Oh well, one cant ask for too much!

And I met up with my 2 bestfriends after my paper yesterday : > Feel so appreciative that they made the time for me to hear me out about some of my personal struggles. Hahah I think I should heed masam's advice and seek help from a psychiatrist! HAHA. I had my nails done too and after that, i finally had a fucking date with Baby!!!! It's been sooooo long since I went out with him and I want to thank him for not complaining during my absence. Yay : >

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST SISTER. YOUR BELATED PARTY AFTER YOUR A's IS GONNA BE A BLAST I SWEEEEEAR. Cant wait : >

Happy 3 years and a month love!

2009-11-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

FUCK, THE BITCH IS DAMMMMMN FUCKING THICK SKIN. WTFFFFF :@@@@@ !

2009-10-29T06:40:00.000-07:00

I need to remember that even though your nice to talk to, I cant trust you.

b's coming home tomorrow : >

2009-10-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

BRB EH!

2009-10-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

OKAY, GOOD THANKS BYE : >

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK? I WASTED MY TIME.

:@@@@@@!

I had a great time with B today thou.

I want to L4D.

2009-10-20T08:28:00.001-07:00

I`m am fuckkkkkking bored of studying. I can only complete 1 chapter a day. Oh my gosh! Out of the sooo many chapters incompleted, I only managed to read one a day. Wtf : < I cant concentrate tonight.

2009-10-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

My grandma came out of her room at around 3 plus in the morning and said " Why are you awake so early in the morning? You usually sleep till late in the afternoon ? " And i was like " Ah Ma! I have not slept!! " She`s so cute.

2009-10-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ps: I was looking at my blog and wondering where my post went and (!), i posted it on my old dashboard. Tsk

i am so fucking watching this!

Thanks Z! Saw it on her blog.
I`m not a fan of love stories but with Channing Tatum, how can I not watch it? And the storyline seems pretty good. wooo

2009-10-19T10:37:00.001-07:00

Remember how I was sooo disappointed that the girl from the flea didnt get back to me regarding the wedges? Well she made my day today with a sms " You`re item has arrived! Sorry for the delay, when are you free for a meet up? " And Yes : > My lovely sis collected it for me and it looks even more awesome when worn. Talk about lucky, I almost bought the pair from charles and keith which was 2 times the price the day before! Seriously, thank god man. Now I can go buy my bag without hesitation.

( finally, my grey wedge! )

2009-10-18T11:48:00.001-07:00

Just because I dont say HI doesnt mean I dont want to. I`m not used to taking initiatives. Dont ask me why. Ego?

2009-10-17T04:13:00.000-07:00

The picz are like wayyyy cool.

I just had my hair dyed. : >

Loving it!

2009-10-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

I realised that my previous pic was damn goofy because I was using the Webcam with Lionel. Haha Too bad he refuse to allow me to post up his picture. anyways I think My hair length is too long for the bangs but oh well, Gonna see what baby say about it. Omg What went wrong with my head yesterday?! I was bored of studying and I decided to cut and have a change. Omg insanity I tell you. My sis chopped her hair off too. Lol But at the bottom. Hahah shoulderlength. We were both crazy.

2009-10-15T02:50:00.000-07:00

Bang bang booom!

2009-10-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

I feel like cutting my hair till this length and soft straightening it. Should I ?

2009-10-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's crazy how I`m studying till the wee hours in the morning. But I concentrate sooo much better in the night where there's no noise or rays of sunlight. Tonight, I have my study partner/cousin to accompany me but she had just abandoned me and head for the bed. Anyways, all this alone time and emo music from my ipod kinda make me wanna blog about some emo stuff so I`m here to rant before I head back to organisational behaviour.

I`ve always felt that maintaining relationships and friendships are a difficult and long tedious task. It takes the effort of all parties and that if someone really treasures you, no matter the distance, it`s possible to keep in contact. But i`m finding more and more difficult to believe in friendships where it involves guys. I mean people say that it`s impossible just to have pure friendship with guys but look at Masam and I ( Although he seldom talk to me now : < ) ! And I dont understand why guys always seem to be there for you when you`re down but after a while, they seem to have disappeared or maybe they couldnt care anymore. hmmm There are many friendships that are ruin because of certain issues and I`m sad that things turn out this way because what we had was so good. Maybe it's my wishful thinking that any guy would care and treat you REALLY nice just becuz he treasures your friendship. Oh well. I never really said this but Sorrrrry.

2009-10-13T11:24:00.001-07:00

Sigh I`m sorry about the car dad.
I really am : <

Wayyyy overdue

2009-10-13T00:57:00.000-07:00

2009-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Isnt she just sooooo adorable : > I cant stop smiling at her when I saw her on telly today. She is the world smallest girl due to some growing deficiency and is currently 16 years old but has the body of a six month old baby! Just compare her to her 1 year old nephew and her school bag is bigger than her! But what was most inspiring was her determination to become an actress. She's really chatty, smiley and optimistic about life. She goes to school and has this miniature table and chair beside her other "gigantic" classmates. When she held her pen and remote control, i was like WOAHHH she's like freaking small. Hahaha And her voice, OMGGGGG her voice is soooo cute. She`s really lucky to have pretty well to do parents and such a supportive family. Her bones are really fragile and she doesnt recover from any injuries so it's pretty bad. I nearly cried when I saw the pain she had to go thru but she still has this hope in her. I reeeeally hope all goes well for her in life man. Such a cute lil girl.

If you havent caught Fighting Spirit on OKTO channel you should. It's Monday night at 10pm and it features extraordinary people leading such inspiring lives. Next week is about a woman with a normal body except that she has GINORMOUS legs.

2009-10-12T09:06:00.001-07:00

I went to Charles and Keith to collect my VIP card and there, it was love at first sight.
I fell absolutely in love with that beauty. And I know, I wont be happy till she becomes mine.

MUGGGGG HARD!

2009-10-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

I have been studying almost everyday and when I study, I get distracted by my laptop. And when I use the laptop, I click on buttons and then poooof! My money is gone. Heheh Yeah! i bought everything above and I cant wait for them to arrive in Singapore. : > ! I really love the boots and high waisted shorts. ( Yvonnnnne! You should see the heels. I`ll show you the link next time I make an order for the other shoes ok?! You`ll love it!)

I was officially 3 years together with James Chan yesterday. And what did we do? At twelve midnight, we wished each other Happy 3 years! while I was at the living room table studying and B on the couch watching Supernatural. I studied till about 4 am (actually online shopping ) and the next afternoon, drove down to get my BB textbook from my friend and brought it to the printing shop. Came home, studied again, took a nap and out went for dinner at borshe at 9pm, came back home to do a massssssive clean up (my mom is a neat freak!) and headed to the airport to fetch my parents back from holidays. I know this isnt how the 3rd year should be celebrated but I felt sooooo fucking blessed to have an understanding boyfriend that doesnt kick up a big fuss that I need time to study. So we'll just postpone the date to another time. Hahah

Anyways, my parents are back and guess what! My mom is sponsoring my trip to Hong Kong and Macau just before I fly off to Turkey!!! : > I really hope B can make it and we could celebrate our belated anni there immediately after my exams. Anyone else interested?

2009-10-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

love

2009-10-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend is back.

I have the car to myself.

My cousin stayed over night.

I drove Yue lian and Yvonne out : >

Finally met up with Amelia and Samantha and the time we had just wasnt enough!

Had dinner w my lil sis and James family
I cooked for the boys.

BUT

I miss my parents ='(

2009-10-01T12:44:00.001-07:00

I had a girls night out with Marcel, April and Gail at Play and Dbl O. Will blog soon. B is coming back tomorrrrrowww! ohhhlalala : > But I think I can wake up in time to fetch him. Haha =x

2009-09-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

My memory is so bad I feel like killing myself!

2009-09-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone is growing up so damn fast! It was my cousin's wedding yesterday and it was reeeeeally fun for me because I got to dress up! ( And No! My cousin is not Chris lee or fann Wong haha) I went with my sis and my cousins to get our hair and make up done. I really really loved my hair but the amount of hair spray they used was craaaaazy! If a bee ever flew into the "hive", i think they wouldnt know the way out! hahaha the wedding was very beautiful and it was great seeing my handsome and cute nephews and nieces last night. After the wedding, Sharon and I went to fetch the rest of our friends and we went prawning all the way till about 5 in the morning. I woke up at 5pm this evening and yea, this explains why I`m not heading out to club tonight : <

2009-09-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! How has the week been for you?! This week has been awesome besides the fact that I have not recovered from my flu and I still have like 10 over pills to take. Anyways, anyone would have guess but I passed my driving test! : > I seriously owe all the credit to my lovely family. I am sooooo grateful for their support and love they've showered upon me when I was so stressed out and nervous before the test. My mom got all her colleagues from St Andrew's Hospital to pray for me during their church service and I felt really blessed. They payed for all the lessons and tried to assure me that even if I fail, it`s alright.

I`m kinda a perfectionist so I dont really accept failure. Apart from the high cost, i really wanted to pass because my whole goal in driving is to be able to drive my Ah Ma out. And yes! i finally collected my license today and drove my family and ah ma out. I can die a happy girl!

Monday is gonna be great. It`s the last day of school. Now, how can I stop procrastinating and start completing my project for monday?

2009-09-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

I think I`m going crazzzzzy! I had difficulty sleeping last night because of all the thoughts running through my mind. 24th is a damnnnn important day for me and I just cant stop thinking about it (if you know why shhhhh!). Sigh I need to trust God more and worry less. And another crazzzzzy worry was that I gave my number to a girl during the flea because i ordered this gorgeous wedges and i`m so fucking afraid that she lost my number!! omg Plssss I really want those wedges!

B is leaving tomorrow morning.

Z just called me : > She started school and I`m gonna see her on Fri babehhh!